What comes to your mind when you hear the word "donut?" Do you cringe when you realize that this simple circle of goodness will soon lead to a size increase of your thighs? Do you chuckle at the thought of Homer Simpson scarfing down on boxes of donuts at a time? Or do you smile when you think of the delicious experience that your taste buds are about to encounter? It's unfortunate, but after 17 years of having my mind poisoned by the wide world of sports, all I can think of is a no-hitter, a shutout perforance by a defense or even a 0 passer rating (cough.. Eli Manning). Today, while on a date with my television, I stopped for a quick minute of NFL Live on ESPN. They were covering the best "donut" performances they had seen. They mentioned the Steelers defense allowing no points for three straight weeks, coworker Tim Hasselback's 0.0 quarterback rating, and even a 73-0 win in an NFL Championship Game. (Not a Super Bowl, this was way back in the day." This brilliant tribute to the tradition, which was founded in 1938 by the Salvation Army, got me thinking. 'What are the big "donuts" in all of the major sports this year?' Here is what I came up with.
What has zero (donut) chance of happening in the NFL this year?
Brett Favre will retire. This has absolutely 0 chance of happening. Let me tell you why. No hall-of-fame quarterback will ever be content with throwing an interception in their last pass attempt. I don't care if it is a pity matchup against the Lions, or- in Favre's case, the NFC championship. No quarterback will have offseason surgery just to be able to run around his 30 acre backyard more. Favre is making a comeback... (again)
What has a zero (donut) chance of happening in the NBA this year?
The Celtics winning the Finals. Sorry, KG, you're the man, but Phil Jackson's teams are 47-0 when they win game one. And the way the Bryant-Gasol tandem took over last nights contest, 47-1 doesn't look too promising.
What has a zero (donut) chance of happening in the MLB this year?
Ubaldo Jimenez will be snubbed of the NL Cy Young. He is too dominant, too consistent, and too hot to lose his edge on any other pitcher in sight. Yep, I said it. Ubaldo for NL Cy Young. I'm making posters.
What has a zero (donut) chance of happening in the NHL this year?
The league will make it's comeback. After the lockout, the NHL's ratings fell dramatically. Then came the 2010 olympics, and for about a month, the ratings spiked. Now, even in the finals, ratings are falling again. By the time next season rolls around, ratings will be back to "normal." And for the NHL, that's bad news.
What has a zero (donut) chance of happening in the PGA this year?
Tiger will continue his struggles. He is the best golfer ever have lived. He didn't play for almost 5 months. He is injured. Once Woods gets his personal life in tact, he will make his comeback.
Enjoy your National Donut Day!
Make sure to tune in tomorrow! It will be my first Mailbag segment. If you have anything you want me to answer, email me at avsrock009@yahoo.com
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